By Frederic Lawrence Knowles
Writer: DANA ESTES
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Extra resources for A Treasury of Humorous Poetry
I did not know my heart, mother, — I late; I thought that I without a pang could mate; But no nobler suitor sought me, — and he And my heart is gone, and I am left a thing. know it now too wed some nobler has taken wing, lone and blighted You may lay me in my bed, mother, — my head is throbbing sore; And, mother, prithee, let the sheets be duly aired before; And, if you'd please, my mother dear, your poor desponding child, Draw me a pot of beer, mother, and mother, draw it mild! William E. Aytoun In the Bon Gaultier Ballads ODE TO TOBACCO Thou who, when fears attack, Bidst them avaunt, and Black Care, at the horseman's back Perching, unseatest; Sweet, when the morn is gray; Sweet, when they've cleared away Lunch; and at close of day Possibly sweetest: I have a liking old For thee, though manifold Stories, I know, are told, Not to thy credit; How one (or two at most) Drops make a cat a ghost — A TREASURY OF HUMOROUS POETRY 21 Useless, except to roast — Doctors have said it: How they who use fusees All grow by slow degrees Brainless as chimpanzees, Meagre as lizards; Go mad, and beat their wives; Plunge (after shocking lives) Razors and carving knives Into their gizzards.
Lo, seltzogenes at every turn, Holmes A TREASURY OF HUMOROUS POETRY And on all very sultry days Cream ices handed round on trays. Then currant wine and ginger pops Stood handily on all the " tops; " And, also, with amusement rife. " New volumes came across the sea From Mister Mudie's library; The Times and Saturday Review Beguiled the leisure of the crew. Kind-hearted Captain Reece, R. , Was quite devoted to his men; In point of fact, good Captain Reece Beatified The Mantelpiece. One summer eve, at half-past ten, He said (addressing all his men) : " Come, tell me, please, what I can do To please and gratify my crew.
And yet as a whole, it is past a doubt, In another hour it will be worn out! First of November, 'Fifty-five! This morning the parson takes a drive. Now, small boys, get out of the way! Here comes the wonderful one-hoss shay, Drawn by a rat-tailed, ewe-necked bay. " Huddup! " said the parson. — Off went they. The parson was working his Sunday's text — Had got to -fifthly, and stopped perplexed At what the — Moses — was coming next. All at once the horse stood still, Close by the meet'n'-house on the hill.
A Treasury of Humorous Poetry by Frederic Lawrence Knowles